Lessons through Infertility

I want to finish up this week of infertility awareness by sharing a few things I have learned from my experiences so far (and am still learning).   

1. Patience - This has been a struggle of mine my entire life, and I guess Heavenly Father just wanted to  make sure I kept working on it! When you have been waiting a very long time for something you desperately want, you learn to have more patience. There is a great quote that Mrs. R from the r house blog often shares, and I love it. "Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come." (Joseph F. Smith)  But it's still really difficult some days!   

2.  Not to compare my life to others - Wow, has this been hard!  Especially when all my friends were starting to have babies and I wasn't.  I thought, "I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing, and this is a righteous desire, so why am I being denied this great blessing of having children?"  The thing that helped was when I finally stopped comparing my life to everyone else's.  I have to trust that Heavenly Father knows what he's doing and has a plan for me and my family.  For some reason, that means I have to wait a little longer to become a mother.  Everyone has their own problems and trials, and this is mine right now.

3. A greater sense of humor! - Laughter can help lighten the mood of a stressful or awkward moment, and we have had plenty of those.  I hear all the time from other people also dealing with infertility about the offensive comments they sometimes get.  I really can't think of anytime that's ever happened to me.  I just remind myself that we all have said things without thinking, and usually people are not trying to be insensitive or unkind.  I choose not to take offense, but instead try to laugh it off.  I can't even count how many people have told me that I'll get pregnant once we adopt!  Sometimes I'll explain that it can't happen to me (w/o medical intervention, at least), but usually I just smile and laugh about it later. 

4.  How to draw closer to my Savior - I think this is the greatest lesson anyone can learn from whatever trials they experience, and it's definitely true for me.  At times when I feel like no one else understands what I am going through, Jesus Christ understands perfectly.  I have felt him take away my pain and sorrow and replace it with comfort and hope.  I am truly thankful for the things I have gone through so far because it has brought me closer to my Father in Heaven and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I always thought it was strange when I heard other people say they were thankful for their trials, but now I know why they felt that way.

Believe me when I say these are things I am still improving on every day.  I am thankful to my friends and family who have ever listened to me talk and/or complain about my infertility.   It is helpful to talk through things that weigh on my mind.  I don't want anyone thinking I'm depressed though, because I'm not!  Sure, I have my down days once in a while, but I am usually hopeful and happy.  I hope my friends who become pregnant will not ever be afraid to tell me, because I honestly am so happy when that happens, and I want to share in celebrating your good news!  I am extremely excited for the journey of adoption that awaits for Jacob and me.  I have already made so many new friends because of it.  I can't wait to see how our story unfolds! 

NIAW

It is infertility awareness week, and since I haven't written much about it on my blog before, I thought now would be the perfect time.  Infertility is a disease that has affected the lives of 7.3 million Americans, including mine.  You can go HERE to learn more of the facts. 

Some of you know this story, and I won't share all of it, but as I haven't really explained how we came to our decision to adopt, maybe this will help shed some light.  I was officially diagnosed with infertility in Dec. 2008 when I had surgery to remove some cysts on my ovaries.  (Previous to this we had been trying to conceive for about 3 1/2 years.)  When I woke up after surgery, Jacob was standing by me and asked if I wanted to hear the bad news or good news first.  (Not really what you want to hear coming out of surgery, is it?)  I made him tell me the bad news first.  He told me the dr. had to remove my fallopian tubes, but that my ovaries were fine because it turns out there were no cysts!  My tubes were swollen with fluid, a condition called hydrosalpinx, and they were both blocked, and could've caused problems for me later on.  F. tubes are normally about as big around as your pinkie finger, but mine were about two inches in diameter.  They were what the dr. saw on the ultrasound and thought were cysts. 

I think I will always remember that moment when Jacob told me I didn't have my tubes anymore, even though it really wasn't a shock.  We already thought I had scar tissue blocking my left tube from a previous ectopic pregnancy.  But to finally know they were gone, and that my chances of conceiving naturally were zero, was still very hard to hear.  The dr. later said he had wanted to be the one to tell me, but I was glad Jacob was the one to do it.  (He was a good doctor, but didn't have the best bedside manner.) 

I cried a lot over the next few weeks as we talked about our options and tried to decide what to do next.  At first, I researched in vitro fertilization, while Jacob had already decided he wanted to adopt.  I think he'd seen me go through enough surgeries and dr. visits that he was very concerned for my health.  I started to look into adoption as well, which had always been in the back of my mind the last several years.  After lots of tears and prayers, we both came to the conclusion that ivf was not right for us, but that adoption was.  As soon as we decided on adoption, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I felt like I could breathe again!  No more worrying about temperatures, ovulation, or dr. visits.  I started to learn everything I could about adoption and to talk to anyone and everyone about it.  It's amazing how many people have a connection to it.  Now I love hearing adoption stories and imagining what ours will be.  We started the adoption process last summer and were so excited the day we got approved!  Now we are dreaming of the day we get to bring our baby home...     

  Wow, I didn't mean to write this much, so congrats to anyone still reading.  I was also going to share some things I have learned through infertility, but I think I will make that a separate post, because it might be long too!   (And pics of our new house are coming, as soon as I take some.)  :)

Happy Earth Day!

Today I'm going to pick fresh strawberries to make jam, recycle some old newspapers (that have been hanging around too long), and enjoy our beautiful spring weather.  What are you doing for Earth Day?

I Need a Nerd

My little, ahem, younger, brother Will started a new blog to help out those of us who may be a little technologically challenged.  According to him, he offers "tutorials for your projects that require someone a little bit nerdy." 
In our family, Will is the one we turn to when our computers won't cooperate and we feel helpless in knowing how to fix the problem.  I hope he knows we appreciate him for other things as well, especially his sense of humor. :)   Click here to check out his blog for yourself.  Who knows, we might all be self-proclaimed nerds after his help!

me, Will, and Jana, Christmas '09

Easter bluebonnets

We had a great Easter weekend! Spring arrived in Texas a few weeks ago and we have been trying to take advantage of the beautiful weather. Easter morning we stopped to take some pictures of this meadow full of bluebonnets, the Texas state flower. We are seeing these all over the place here. Sorry, these pics do not do them justice. They really are gorgeous and a much brighter blue than this shows.

I didn't realize it, but Jacob kind of blends in here, lol!
Just a few more pics of the beautiful flowers and blossoms we've been seeing lately.

We enjoyed our time spent at home watching General Conference . (This is a meeting held twice a year for members of our church, where we listen to our leaders give inspiring and uplifting counsel.) It was wonderful to receive words of wisdom, and I feel renewed and motivated to become better every day.

We also ate a delicious dinner with friends, and Jacob and I cooked our very first ham. I have to admit, the ham tasted pretty good, but so did all the other food people brought. It makes me hungry just thinking about it again. I'm always amazed when my deviled eggs are so popular because they are very simple and easy to make! We missed being with our families on Easter, but are thankful to have good friends that fill the void.

What is your favorite food to have for Easter dinner?